An existential pause outside the confines of time: I’ve been thinking about the future a lot lately. Do you ever really stand on the threshold of who you were and who you are about to become? I have always been restless, never satisfied to stay where I am and always wanting to have a change of scenery when I tire of a place. I have never wanted to settle down, not when there are so many things I have yet to see, learn, and experience. Does it necessarily have to be so totalizing a choice, that if you choose one path, the other is barred to you? Already burdened with the adult responsibility, there is a demand for certainty amidst uncertainties and a need to be independent for the sake of dignity.
But it is only now, entering the professional world, that I realize that all the reading, philosophy, writing, and intellectual pursuits that I have loved and wished to make a career of, are in reality best enjoyed as hobbies, as small doses to free oneself from the modern reality of a 9-5 five-day work week in an office somewhere. They are meant to be escapist tools for the mind which is bound to the banal through the body. I always knew things were transient, that the Platonic ideal was never truly possible nor permanent; yet at the same time, I am lost in those moments of intransience that seem to seize the soul whilst reading books and engaging in reflective philosophy, whether through journals or blogs or whatever medium of communication. Even in travel, when one can receive those flashes of beauty whilst pondering the landscape of another world. Such are the things that make student debt, rocky relationships, and boring white collar work disappear. And then, we remember our true selves again.